James Stenson on Professionalism

The following folios on professionalism have been prepared by well-known educational consultant, James Stenson (www.parentleadership.com). They are based on his many years of consulting with accomplished professionals.

1. An Overview of Professionalism

Want a short definition of professionalism? Here's one: Professionalism is really the virtues (i.e., strengths of character) as they're lived and shown in the workplace. That is, prudence, justice, fortitude, self-control, faith, hope, and charity—all of which affect the way we work and give strength to our character. Below are some ways of understanding the very important concept of professionalism. Think about each of them. Have you seen examples of what's described below?

Professionalism isn't just a set of appearances—neatness, good grooming, "shop talk" and the like. Nor is it just technical skill, for many technically skilled people are not really professional. Professionalism is, rather, a set of internalized character strengths and values directed toward high quality service to others through one's work. In their daily work, real professionals show these inner strengths and attitudes— sound judgment, know-how, business savvy, mature responsibility, problem-solving perseverance and ingenuity, along with what people call "class." This is as true for carpenters, machinists, police officers, and barbers as it is for lawyers, accountants, physicians, and engineers. Any honest work can be done professionally.

Professionals show self-respect in their work. They're conscious that their work reflects their inner character. Their work is, among other things, a statement of their personal commitment to excellence of performance. They don't see work as just a job to be done or merely a source of "spending money."

Above all else, they see work as service to others. They labor toward the betterment of other people, directly or indirectly: clients, customers, employers, colleagues. Thus they're both task-oriented and people-oriented.

Professionals have respect for experience. They have an ongoing need to learn and improve, to master traditional approaches and then try to improve on them. That's why there's a teaching tradition among professionals; people teach and learn by word and example. Professionals also respect the experience of others; they have high regard for professionalism in other lines of work. Moreover, they know how to use the powers of other professionals (lawyers, accountants, consultants) to strengthen their own performance. They seek out sound advice and generally follow it.

They tend to see problems as challenges and opportunities, not burdensome "hassles" to be avoided. They have a long-term habit of approaching problems confidently and optimistically. They don't let indecision or fear of failure lead to paralysis. They do the best they can with what they have.

They have a high level of personal responsibility and respect for others' rights. They have a clear sense of the limits to their authority and rights of operation. They don't meddle in others' affairs or criticize in areas where they have neither rights nor expertise. So, professionals are unafraid to say, "That's none of my business" or "I don't know anything about that...." They tend to have an intense dislike for gossip or otherwise uninformed criticism.

They make efficient use of resources, especially time. They know how to concentrate mind and will on the tasks before them. They work quickly but not hurriedly. They're careful but not slow.

They compartmentalize work responsibilities from leisure and personal interests. Work hours are devoted exclusively to job performance; leisure and personal affairs wait until the job is done. Responsibilities to clients and employers come ahead of self-interested concerns and pleasures. They know that leisure is most enjoyable when it's been earned through hard work. They can do their best work no matter how poorly they feel at the moment.

Even off the job, professionals generally show admirable character: good judgment, good taste, good manners, a respect for quality in general. Their personality shows tasteful self-restraint combined with concern for others and love of life—in a word, "class."

The character and values of professionalism are built up first in childhood and then strengthened in adulthood through study, training, and work experience. This means that young people can mark themselves as professionals—earn the respect of all who work with them—during the first few weeks of their first job.

2. Professional Leadership: A composite picture

It's an experience of life that we tend to become what we think about. This is why a young man starting out in his work should form a vision of what he'd like to become over the course of his career. Not just what he'd like to do but what he'd like to be. This is why it's worth studying the lives of people who serve as examples of professionalism.

So let's look at the traits most commonly found among successful business and professional leaders What attitudes and actions characterize an outstanding leader, maybe the sort of leader you aspire to become? Think about each of these….

An outstanding professional leader has a clear long-term vision about the company's future success, and he communicates this goal, at least occasionally, to everyone who works with him. He thinks several years ahead, and this goal-setting drives him and his team forward—for he knows that people's efforts are only effective when they're focused on some future achievement.

He maintains a strong sense of teamwork. He looks mostly for strengths in people and sees his job as coordinating those strengths toward the team's collective endeavors. He helps his colleagues, especially subordinates, develop their strengths and skills as they carry out clear-cut responsibilities.

He is service-oriented. He knows that professional success means constant delivery of high-quality service. A business works best when it's dedicated to effecting change for the better in the lives of clients or customers, and his job is make this happen effectively and consistently.

Though he thinks of the future, he pays attention to present detail, the nitty-gritty lying before him. His eye for detail derives, in fact, from his long-term vision and commitment to service.

He constantly sets priorities, and sticks to them. When faced with a problem, he asks, "How important will this be a year from now, five years from now, or later?" Within this framework, he shrugs off or ignores unimportant snarls and minor setbacks.

He knows how to concentrate, to focus entirely on what's before him. He works to eliminate unnecessary distractions.

He tends to see problems as challenges, not just hassles. He has a kind of sporting spirit about his work, and he knows that any sport involves occasional bruises, mistakes, and disappointments. He learns from mistakes, his own and others', and helps his subordinates do the same.

If resources are scarce, including time, he works smart. He makes the most of what he has available, including slivers of time here and there. He doesn't procrastinate; papers don't just sit cluttered on his desk. He thinks before he acts, then acts intelligently and decisively.

He takes personal responsibility—no excuses, no alibis, no whining, no "victim complex," no shifting of blame. He accepts the consequences of his free decisions and actions, including mistakes.

When he's unsure what to do, he secures the best advice he can and weighs it seriously. Then he acts. In any event, he never lets indecision lead to inaction. His job is to act—that's what he's paid for.

He's conscious of his authority, and comfortable with it. He has rights because he has duties. His knows that his rights come with the job.

He has self-respect and self-confidence, and these traits inspire respect and confidence from others.

He rewards good effort, making praise as specific as blame—and just as sincere. He affirms and encourages his people, pressing them to put out their very best regardless of shortcomings. He sees part of his job as keeping obstacles out of his people's way, eliminating whatever holds them back from their best performance.

When he must correct others, he corrects the fault, not the person. He comes down on the foul-up, not the one who did it. He corrects people privately, never in public. If he goes too far, he apologizes. He puts fairness ahead of his ego.

He's a good listener. When people come to him with problems, he gives them his undivided attention. While listening, he tries to understand them: their motives, their experience (or lack thereof), their needs and uncertainties. He reflects: "Is there a bigger problem underlying this little problem? What is it? How can I help?"

When he thinks about his people's professional development, his frame of reference (consciously or intuitively) comprises the virtues: sound judgment, responsibility, perseverance, self-discipline. He wants and expects his people's effort to grow in these areas. His company depends on it. He knows his business is only as strong as the people who work for it.

He's a professional. That is, he sets high standards for his own performance and does his best work whether he feels like it or not. In a sense, he's strong enough to ignore fatigue, anxiety, or temptations to slack off. He enjoys his top performance; his delight in life comes as much from his work as from his leisured recreation.

Consciously or otherwise, he knows that no ideal becomes reality without sacrificial effort. His high personal and professional ideals, in fact, transform his hard work into a sporting adventure.

3. Pursuing a Successful Career

Finding what you're good at and using this knowledge to pursue a career are common concerns—not to say serious worries—among young people aged 18 to 25.

How can a young man go about finding and pursuing his professional vocation? What should be his approaches and attitudes? What would be the best advice from people with expertise in this area?

Here are some key ideas and practical approaches to consider.

Success in one's career doesn't necessarily mean great fame and big money. Real success in work and life means several things:

• living with a clean conscience before God
• being able to support yourself and your family comfortably
• waking up in the morning and looking forward to the day's work
• earning the respect of everyone who knows you
• seeing your powers and skills work toward the betterment of others
• enjoying leisure pursuits thoroughly because you've earned them.

There's such a thing as a professional vocation. It's some passionate love that directs your powers to the welfare of others and earns you a living. You should search long and wide to find some line of work that appeals to your heart—some labor that gives you the joy you knew in childhood, when work and play were one. Few pleasures in life are more delightful than a job we really enjoy.

One word of caution, though. You may love music or drama or sports so much that you think of these fields as potential careers. Fine, but anchor yourself in reality. The worlds of entertainment and sports bring delight to millions. Consequently, a few hundred-thousand young people aspire to work in them—and everyone in this vast throng is competing against you. To succeed, you need to be exceptionally talented, extremely hard-working, single-mindedly ambitious, well connected with influential people, and (to be frank about it) very, very lucky. No matter how you look at it, the odds are hugely against you. Remember, no matter what you later do for a living, you can always enjoy these pursuits as recreational pastimes.

Anyone seeking a career to settle on should take this advice: look hard and keep looking. Be alert to meeting people, hearing about opportunities, asking around, networking among everyone you know. Have the mentality of a taxi driver cruising around on the lookout for business. The world's inventions and discoveries came about (like Goodyear's vulcanized rubber or Edison's electric bulb) by people who were persistently looking for something.

Some professionals advise young people to get a job, any job, and use that as a basis for moving ahead. A job that puts you in touch with a lot of people, such as sales, seems to work best. What you learn on the job, especially if you have a good boss, can help you a lot to focus more clearly what you want and then make a career move .

Rely on family and friends to tell you what you're really good at. When we're good at something, we're usually among the last to know it. Others notice our talent before we do. Why? Because to us the gift seems natural, easy, almost effortless. So pay attention when people close to you all say the same thing: You have some gift that you should develop.

Throughout human history, finding a good career and a good job has always been a matter of whom you know. Credentials, experience, cold calls, mass mailings of résumés—none of these things beats connections through friends. Most likely your friends won't have a job for you, but their friends might. We get a job most quickly and effectively through the friends of our friends. For this reason—among many others, of course—it pays to have many friends and acquaintances. (Related piece of advice: Strive to stay in contact with your closest friends from high school and college. Work at making them friends for life.)

Know the difference between a referral and a reference. A referral is just an introduction; that is, someone you know socially introduces you to a friend or acquaintance who might be interested in hiring you. It's basically a vouching for your character without comment or judgment about your technical competence, something your friend may not be in a position to know anyway. A reference, on the other hand, is an assessment of both your character and your professional competence based on that person's knowledge about your work.

Before you use anyone's name for a reference, be sure to get that person's permission. Prospective employers nearly always check references, so your failure to secure prior permission from someone would make your reference worse than useless. You may mark yourself as immature, amateurish, or inconsiderate.

Your mother had the right idea: Say "thank you" frequently. People like to be appreciated. Moreover, you mark yourself as mature and pleasant to deal with. Related to this, keep good quality stationery on hand to send thank-you notes for favors.

Every few months, take a couple of hours to think deeply about your career and your future. How are things going? Where am I headed? What opportunities might I be overlooking? Where do I want to be five years down the road? — Have a file where you keep notes on accomplishments to update your résumé, and do this at least twice a year. An updated résumé is like a first-aid kit: if you need it at all, you need it in a hurry.

As you move along Plan A of your career, maintain a Plan B as well—an alternative career course to rely on if you suddenly must. If someone loses a job, he or she quickly needs to undertake thinking, planning, networking, and action. Maintaining a Plan B means doing your thinking, planning, and networking ahead of time, long before the emergency, so you can move swiftly into action. Be prepared for anything.

Always remember that the secret of success is passion. So think big. We tend to become what we think about. If you have high ambitions of service to people, starting with your family, you'll be honored as an outstanding man and an excellent professional.

4. Collaborating with Bosses

A huge part of young people's success in their professional career derives from their collaboration with bosses. Here are some words of advice for young men heading toward their world of work—how to collaborate with business leaders and learn from them.

In your first couple of jobs, try to work for a good boss, someone who'll challenge your powers, correct you, and help you learn from your mistakes. A good boss will teach you more in one year than you'll learn in four years of college.

Notice that successful bosses have effective communication skills: they're attentive listeners and clear explainers. They learn from people, including their employees. They lead their people to understand what's important. They help their people form the same picture, especially of where everyone is headed and how each person's effort contributes to reaching that goal. Learn from your boss how to deal effectively with people, how to be a leader. (Notice that an effective leader has joiners, not followers; that is, he or she takes action toward some goal and persuades others to collaborate in the venture. Moreover, his or her exercise of authority is really a form of service.)

The boss is your key customer. Your aim is to keep your boss pleased with your work and pleased with you as a person. One of the great secrets in business is that bosses tend to hire and retain competent people whom they personally like and respect—people of integrity, hard work, and good humor.

Work in such a way that you make your boss look good.

Keep your boss in the loop. No surprises. Bosses generally hate surprises.

Ask for a raise when you think you've earned it.

Don't take problems to your boss unless you also propose some considered solutions. Bosses don't need additional problems; they have enough as it is. What they need and want are solutions.

When your boss gives you a project, you should reach an understanding with him or her right away about how much time it should take. Try to deliver it ahead of time and to the best of your ability.

Personal integrity is crucially important in business. Tell nothing but the truth and always keep your word. Bosses and clients can forgive isolated, well intentioned mistakes and even blunders—but if you lie, you're through.

What are the faults that can get you fired?

• Lying on your résumé (calls for instant dismissal).
• Being difficult to work with, having trouble getting along with others.
• Failure to treat others with respect.
• Spreading rumors or failing to maintain confidentiality.
• Not paying attention to detail.
• Not following through on commitments, especially deadlines.

Unless you're the boss, it's not your job to change company policies. If you find policies or ongoing practices very hard to live with, don't complain. Just look for another job and try to leave on good terms. During your next job interview, or when you get another job, don't badmouth your previous company or its management. Remember, bosses tend to sympathize with each other as a class. Your perceived disloyalty to former employers would leave a bad taste and arouse mistrust.

5. Professional & Business Savvy

As we all know, talents and skills are important to success in professional life. But other personal qualities are also extremely important. These are the details of etiquette, honest and honorable dealings with others, and level-headed shrewdness that are expressed in the word savvy. Normally these details are not taught in school. They pass down mostly from one's parents and older friends. We include some here, all based on people's professional experience. Check them out with friends of yours who've had extensive experience in business.

Very important basic principle: The right thing to do is also the smart thing to do. In business as in the family, the most important thing is trust. Your integrity is your most important asset. So be honest, keep your word, treat your work as service to others, and mind your own business.

Don't be embarrassed about where you grew up, where you went to school, your physical looks, or anything else you can't change. Generally speaking, if you ignore these things, so will everyone else.

As Henry David Thoreau said, "Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money."

Determine clearly what is really important to you, and then build your life around that.

Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.

Ability to act faster than anyone else can be your greatest professional asset. Try to be the first in line, and submit things ahead of deadlines.

If you really want to do something, you'll find a way; if you don't, you'll find an excuse.

"One of these days" is really none of these days.

Clearly excellent performance comes from two sources: (1) clear focus on goal(s), and (2) not quite enough time.

Having trouble with a certain course of action? Just think of this: Doing more of what doesn't work, doesn't make it work any better. Consider taking another approach, even if this means starting from the beginning.

If you promise something, either do it or explain why you can't.

Read the company newsletter to stay on top of what's happening in your organization and what your bosses are thinking. Also, when people you respect recommend certain books for professional enhancement, read them. In other words, set yourself to be constantly learning.

When you must make an oral presentation, especially to your bosses, keep it brief and concise. You'll show that you understand the subject well and you'll win everyone's attention and gratitude. Remember what Leonardo da Vinci said: "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Or as others have put it more bluntly: "Be brief, be clear, and begone."

Dress for the job you want, not the one you have. Let your dress and grooming reflect your self-respect and professionalism. Pay special attention to your shoes and shirts. Your bosses will notice.

Get in good physical shape and work to stay that way. Generally speaking, conspicuously overweight people suffer a competitive disadvantage in the workplace. Unless they're highly skilled in some technical area, they get passed over in favor of healthier looking competitors, especially if their jobs involve contact with the public. This is often unfair, certainly—but much of life is unfair, and we have to come to terms with reality.

Deadlines are valuable, for there is such a thing as good stress; we do our best work when under reasonable pressure. In other words, deadlines are the ultimate inspiration; they force us to do what needs to be done.

Mind your own business. The top of someone's desk isn't a bulletin board, so don't read what's on other people's desks or computer monitors. If bosses or co-workers find you snooping, they won't trust you.

Similarly, don't make critical comments about matters that lie outside your areas of responsibility. Stick to your own job. Don't get a reputation as a busybody. Every responsible professional knows that loose-talking meddlers are also either slackers or control freaks. In either case, nobody trusts them.

Don't talk about people behind their backs. If you gossip, you may be doing someone a serious injustice, and people won't confide in you. Besides, office gossip has a way, mysteriously, of making its way back to the gossipee. Here, as in so many other areas, keep your mouth shut and you'll stay out of trouble.

If there's a lot of badmouth gossip in your office, especially about management, then start looking for another job. Poor morale nearly always arises from dysfunctional management. That's why a company rife with gossip is most likely on the verge of business collapse.

Don't take things personally. If some people are ill-tempered or rub you the wrong way, that's their problem, usually something in their private lives off the job. Don't let their problem become yours. Just shrug it off and get on with your job.

Related to this, if you must correct someone, don't get personal about it. Correct the fault, not the person. Make the correction privately, never in front of others.

Don't let anyone rush you into important decisions. Just say, "I'd like a little more time to think it over." Indicate when you expect to arrive at a decision and then keep your word.

Friday afternoon is the worst time to talk with anybody about something important.

Think of the intensity and concentration you put into your work on the last two days before you leave for vacation. Ideally that's the way you should work every day.

To make your writing flow more easily and naturally, write your first draft as if it were a letter to someone you know. Then go back and shape it up as a more formal presentation.

It's worth investing time to take a public-speaking course. Very few people are comfortable giving oral presentations to a group. Therefore anyone who can do this with a certain professional poise and self-confidence makes a great impression. Being able to think on your feet and express yourself in public is one of the most valuable skills you can master.

Never send a letter or memo or email that you've written in anger. If you do, you'll probably regret it. Hold it for a day or two, look it over calmly, then either revise it or throw it away.

Don't ever put anything in writing that could, in the wrong hands, be damaging or embarrassing to you. Documents tend to take on a life of their own; their destiny is difficult, sometimes impossible, to control. This is especially true of emails.

Never put your signature to anything without first reading it carefully. If you sign something hastily and carelessly, you may wind up needing a lawyer.

Do not tell racist, ethnic, or sexist jokes. They're hurtful to people and therefore dishonorable. Besides, they can land you in trouble.

Grudge-bearing is a waste of time and psychic energy. If you spend too much time judging people, you won't get much accomplished.

Don't use coarse language in the workplace. If you do, people lose respect for you. Consciously or otherwise, people associate habitual foul-mouthed speech with childish self-centeredness or fundamental lack of self-control.

Use the company's resources—money, cars, office supplies, travel accommodations, computers, the Internet—prudently and honestly. Take care of them. Never pilfer anything or pad your expenses.

Be nice to people who wait on you or clean up after you: janitors, salespeople, waiters, bus drivers, people behind a counter. Look them in the eye, smile, say "please" and "thank you." They're human beings like you, with dignity and feelings, but they seldom receive the kindness and courtesy they deserve.

Don't whisper with people in hallways or other public places. This look sneaky and conspiratorial. Step into a room or out of people's earshot and then talk in a normal voice.

No matter what it takes, be on time for all business appointments. If possible, arrive a few minutes early. But no matter how late you work, get to your job next day on time.

Strive your best to keep a deadline, especially one you've promised. If you clearly cannot meet it, then apologize and ask for an extension to do the job right. (People won't remember that work was a little late, but they'll remember if it was shoddy.) Once you've gotten an extension, then that's it. Do whatever is necessary—stay up late, call in outside help—to turn in good work on time.

Even better, plan to turn in good work consistently ahead of time. If work is due by 5:00 p.m. on Friday, then turn it in by noon on Friday, or even on Thursday. You can't always do this, of course, but it's worth the effort. Your boss will notice.

When you are seriously vexed by a problem, ask yourself how important it will be a year from now, or six months from now, or even next week. Don't forget, most things we worry about never happen—and among those that do happen, about 90% are beyond our control anyway.

Admit your mistakes. Forgive those of others.

Show appreciation often. It's the greatest human need.

6. Guidelines for Professional Etiquette

If you ask anyone in business and professional life, they'll tell you about the significance of professional etiquette. Though details of business manners seldom appear in writing, they're as important as good social manners and they serve the same purpose. They make interpersonal dealings more considerate and gracious. Good professional manners put people at ease and make them feel respected as clients, customers, or fellow workers. All this has serious impact on a young man's career.

People in the workplace can also tell you that some workers, especially young ones or fairly recent college graduates, are clueless about these matters of etiquette. They may be technically skilled but socially clumsy. Bosses and fellow workers may assume, rightly or wrongly, that these young people are lacking in professionalism, or even common sense. That's why committing blunders in these areas not only looks bad but can hurt your career.

The pages that follow spell out some details of professional etiquette so that you can form habits of treating people graciously at your workplace—and thereby win their respect and even affection.

If you consulted several experienced professionals about the items here, they could comment on each point, give some specific examples from their work experience, and even add suggestions of their own. Try it.

General guidelines

Bear in mind the following definitions of a gentleman: A gentleman is a man who does no harm and gives no offense to anyone on purpose, who is open to friendship and cherishes friends, who sees his work as service to others, who has the grace to disagree without being disagreeable, and who has eyes for the needs of those around him. Strive to become this kind of man.

Say "please" and "thank you" a lot. Be known as a person who appreciates other people's dignity, rights, feelings, and earnest best efforts. Show appreciation; it's the greatest human need.

"Thank you" is always an appropriate response to any kind of praise or favor. When you're at a loss for words to respond to praise, just say "thank you" and let it go at that.

Keep on hand a supply of good-quality thank-you notecards or "monarch" stationery—that is, good-quality stationery (7-1/4 x 10-1/2), preferably personalized with your name, address, etc. Use these to send a personal handwritten thank-you note immediately (within 24 hours) for gifts, job interviews, and substantial favors. This one courtesy can get you very, very far.

Whenever you are meeting people after some absence, give your name. Even if you've met the person sometime before, he or she may not recall your name.

If you're meeting someone for the first time and you didn't understand the name, ask the person to repeat it. ("Please forgive me, I didn't quite catch your name.") This isn't awkward or offensive. You show you are sincerely interested in getting the name right and in making the person's acquaintance.

When speaking with someone, make eye contact. Show that you're interested in that person and what he or she has to say. Never glance repeatedly over someone's shoulder as though you're seeking out some other, more interesting conversation. This is insulting.

Be patient with slow talkers. Don't interrupt to finish other people's sentences for them, especially your boss.

Whether in the office or on social occasions, you should avoid certain topics in your conversation because they may lead to awkwardness, boredom, embarrassment, or resentment. These topics are (a) your own health or others' health, (b) controversial issues, (c) the cost of items, (d) topics of a sexual nature, (e) personal misfortunes, (f) gossip, (g) stories of questionable taste or dirty jokes, (h) politics.

Never use humor that offends: no racist, sexist, ethnic, or crude jokes. These are not only offensive; they can get you into trouble.

Don't open conversation by asking people what they do for a living. Though Americans are inclined to do this, for many people the question is awkward, especially if they're currently unemployed. And for foreigners especially, the question seems personally intrusive and therefore rude. Wait and let the person's occupation come up naturally during the conversation. If it doesn't, just let the matter go.

Whenever you must send a letter or memo to someone, make sure you spell the person's whole name correctly. Do whatever it takes to get the right spelling: look it up in a directory or online or make a phone call to someone who knows. People get annoyed when you misspell their name; they tend to attribute it to carelessness on your part, and they're inclined to discount what you have to say in the rest of your message.

Don't use the term "Mister" when referring to yourself, either on your stationery or on the phone. Just use your name. The word "Mister" is an honorific term; we use it of others to show our respect for them. So we don't use it when referring to ourselves.

Social events

When inviting someone to a social occasion, don't preface your invitation by asking, "What are you doing this Friday night?" or "Are you busy this Saturday evening?" or anything of the sort. This puts people on the spot. Just explain what you have in mind and leave your friends a way, if they prefer, to decline your invitation gently and diplomatically.

If you receive an invitation that says "RSVP" be aware that it means to let your host know whether you will attend or not. Do this without fail, and promptly. Your host needs this information to plan the event's food and seating arrangements, and your negligence here is a real disservice. It's exceptionally ill-mannered.

Arrive on time. Always be punctual in keeping appointments—even with light social occasions, even with good friends. If you're unavoidably late, try to call ahead; in any case, offer an apology.

When you're invited to someone's home, try to arrive on the dot, no more than five minutes late. Don't arrive early, though, for your hosts may not yet be ready to receive you.

Mingle with other guests, not just your friends. Seek out people who seem to be standing alone.

Don't linger too long in conversation with your host. Be aware that he or she needs to circulate among the other guests.

Limit alcohol: one or two drinks maximum. Stick with wine or some non-alcoholic drink rather than hard liquor and learn to nurse one drink throughout the party. Beware imbibing alcohol on an empty stomach: before you drink, eat some "finger food" so the alcohol will take longer to enter your system and thus keep you in good shape. And of course, never, ever, drink to the point of inebriation.

Never press an alcoholic drink on someone who declines it. He or she may be unable to drink for religious or medical reasons or may be trying to recover from an alcohol problem.

Don't eat too much food. The purpose of a social event is to mingle with people and make friends, not to overindulge with food and drink. In other words, the people come first and the food and drink are incidental. Don't give people the impression that your priorities are reversed.

If you're having a business lunch, don't start talking business until everyone has ordered food. Make small talk until the waiter has taken everyone's order.

If you're having a meal with fellow workers, avoid shoptalk. That is, unless the meal is clearly intended to go over business matters, don't discuss work. A social occasion is supposed to be a break from work routine.

When you meet with professional people socially (especially physicians, accountants, and attorneys), don't put them on the spot by asking for professional advice. If you think those professionals can be of help to you, ask if you can call their office sometime later to make an appointment.

When you attend social occasions, always carry a couple of your business cards. But don't offer your card to someone until the very end of a conversation, when you're parting, and then only if it's clear that the new acquaintance might like to meet with you again sometime. Passing out cards gratuitously looks pushy and amateurish.

Don't be the last to leave, but stay at least one hour.

Before leaving, be sure to thank the sponsor or host. If you leave along with several other people, it's courteous to call the next day and thank the host personally. If you received a written invitation to the affair, it's courteous to write a thank-you note. (The protocol is this: an informal phoned invitation should lead to a phone-call thanks, and a written invitation to a written thanks.)

Telephone etiquette

Speak with a normal, pleasant, courteous voice, especially when answering. Get into a habit of smiling when you speak.

When you phone someone you don't know well, you should identify yourself to whoever answers the call.

Very important: Before launching into a phone conversation, first ask if this is a good time to talk.

Try to answer before three rings. Don't ever slam the receiver.

If you foresee that you might have to leave a message on voice mail, have a brief, clear message rehearsed, one that doesn't sound nervously improvised. Always leave your number, even with people who probably know it; you save them the trouble of looking it up. Say it slowly at the beginning and end of the message.

Return all phone calls promptly.

Don't waste people's time with phone tag. Let people know when you'll be available.

Give people on the phone your undivided attention. Don't make side remarks to someone else in the room or otherwise convey that you're doing other tasks while on the phone.

In the office, limit personal calls to important matters only, and be brief.

Unless you want people to call you at home or on your cell phone after hours, don't give out your home or cell phone number.

Office etiquette

When guests enter your office or cubicle, stand to receive them, make eye contact and give a warm handshake, then gesture to where they may sit. Unless you are both going to look at papers, arrange your seating so you don't have a desk or table between you and them. Give them your undivided attention; don't glance at your watch or otherwise convey that you're impatient for them to leave. When they're leaving, walk them to the reception area.

The top of someone's desk isn't a bulletin board. Don't read what's on other people's desks or computer monitors. (Above all, don't do this with your boss.)

Unless you have explicit permission, don't enter your boss's office when he's not there.

Don't stand directly behind people when they sit at computers.

Never take something from someone's desk without asking. Not even scissors or staplers.

Don't hang in the doorway of someone's office or cubicle while he or she is on the phone.

When you walk into an office or cubicle, remain standing unless invited to sit. Then sit down gracefully and maintain an attentive posture.

If you're in someone else's office or cubicle and that person receives a phone call, exit gracefully without interrupting the call. That is, stand up and silently gesture that you'll wait outside.

Keep office visits businesslike and brief. Be pleasant—but get to the point, get what you need, and then leave.

If a fax comes to your office and it's not addressed to you, don't read it.

Business people these days are deluged with e-mails. An executive typically receives at least 60 a day. So try to avoid sending unnecessary lengthy or multiple e-mails to someone you know is busy. In order to cut back on e-mail traffic, some offices have a policy to hold off on perfunctory thanks and routine acknowledgments. Find out the policy in your office and stick to it. Moreover, before you e-mail, pause to ask yourself: Is this message necessary? Am I letting back-and-forth e-mails take the place of personal contact—for instance, a phone call or brief face-to-face conversation?